Scientific Writing Coursera Course: Week 2

Previous Week Review

Last week, I started the Coursera course Writing in the Sciences, and blogging about the course. The first week covered “decluttering” our writing:

  • Pay attention to vague words
  • Watch out for jargon. Simplify as much as possible
  • Careful of acronyms and initialisms
  • Be mindful of using passive voice
  • Place verbs early on in sentence

Week 2 will build off of these lessons and focus on using verbs more effectively.

Week 2

Overview

  • Active voice
  • Writing with verbs - Strong verbs - Avoiding turning verbs into nouns - Sentence subjects and verbs close to one another

Video 2.1: Use the active voice

What is the active voice?

Follows the format: subject + verb + object.

  • She throws the ball.
    • Agent: she
    • Verb: throws
    • Recipient: the ball
  • Martha will drive the car.
  • He made mistakes.

What is the passive voice?

The passive voice inverts the agent/recipient relationship:

  • The ball is thrown by her.
    • Recipient: ball
    • Verb: thrown
    • Agent: her
  • The car will be driven by Martha.
  • Mistakes were made by The President.

The agent can be obscured in passive voice by dropping it entirely, for example:

  • Mistakes were made [by The President]

Recognizing a passive verb

  • Passive verb = a form of the verb “to be” + the past participle of the main verb
  • The main verb must be a transitive verb (that is, take an object).

Examples of passive voice

  • My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.
    • Recipient: my first visit to Boston
    • Passive verb: will always be
    • Agent: me (at the end of the sentence)
    • Active: I will always remember my first visit to Boston.
  • She is loved
    • Recipient: She
    • Passive verb: is loved
    • Agent: none
    • Active: He loves her.
  • Cigarette ads were designed to appeal especially to children.
    • Recipient: children
    • Passive verb: were designed
    • Agent: none
    • Active: We designed the cigarette ads to appeal especially to children.
      • “We” is now the agent, the responsibile party.

Turning passive into active

To turn the passive back into the active voice, you need to identify the agent, recipient and verb. - Who does what to whom?

  • Who does the action? Who had the action done to them?

Practice:

By applying a high resolution, 90 degree bending magnet downstream of the laser electron interaction region, the spectrum of the electron beams could be observed.

  • Agent: none
    • Add “We could observe” to the front of the sentence.
  • verb: could be observed
  • Recipient: the spectrum of the electron beams

Increased promoter occupancy and transcriptional activation of p21 and other target genes were observed.

  • Agent: none
    • Add “We observed” to the front of the sentence.
  • verb: were observed
  • Recipient: Increased promoter occupancy and transcriptional activation of p21 and other target genes

The activation of C++ channels is induced by the depletion of endoplasmic reticulum Ca++ stores.

  • Agent: endoplasmic reticulum Ca++ stores
  • verb: is induced
  • Recipient: Ca++ channels
  • Active: Depleted endoplasmic reticulum Ca++ stores induce Ca++ channel activation.
    • Better: Depleting Ca++ from the endoplasmic reticulum activates Ca++ channels

Additionally, it was found that pre-treatment with antibiotics increased the number of super-shedders, while immunosuppression did not.

  • Agent: Pre-treatment with antibiotics
  • verb: increased
  • Recipient: super-shedders
  • Active: We found that pre-treatment with antibiotics increased the number of super-sheddres, while immunosuppresion did not.
    • Better: Pre-treating the mice with antibiotics increased the number of super-shedders while immunosuppresion did not.

Advantages of the active voice

  1. Emphasizes author responsibility
  2. Improves readability
  3. Reduces ambiguity

1) Emphasizes author responsibility

  • Passive: No attempt was made to contact non-responders because they were deemed unimportant to the analysis.
  • Active: We did not attempt to contact non-responders because we deemed them unimportant to the analysis.

2) Improves readability

  • Passive: A strong correlation was found between use of the passive voice and other sins of writing.
  • Active: We found a strong correlation between use of the passive voice and other sins of writing.
    • Better: Use of the passive voice strongly correlated with other sins of writing.

3) Reduces ambiguity

  • Passive: General dysfunction of the immune system at leukocyte level is suggested by both animal and human studies.
  • Active: Both human and animal studies suggest that diabetics have general immune dysfunction at the leukocyte level.

When to use passive voice

The passive voice works well for when you want to emphasize what was done and not who did it. For example, method sections are an appropriate place for passive voice.

Video 2.2: Is it really OK to use “We” and “I”

Yes, it’s okay to use personal pronouns in scientific writing.

  • The active voice is livelier and easer to read.
  • Avoiding personal pronouns does not make your science more objective
    • You and your team designed, conducted, and interpreted the experiments. To imply otherwise is misleading.
  • Journal editors explicitly instruct authors to write in the active voice.

Video 2.3: Active Voice Practice

Practice sentences:

  • Passive: A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee that the study be halted.
  • Active: The DSMB committee recommended the study be halted.
  • Passive: Major differences in the reaction times of the two study subjects were found.
  • Active: We observed major differences in reaction times of the two study subjects.
    • Alt: The two study subjects differed in reaction times.
  • Passive: It was concluded by the editors that the data had been falsified by the authors.
  • Active: The editors concluded that the authors falsified their data.
  • Passive: The first visible-light snapshot of a planet circling another star has been taken by NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope.
  • Active: NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope took the first visible-light snapshot of a planet circling another star.
  • Passive: Therefore, the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are not different was rejected.
  • Active: We reject the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are not different
    • Alt: We reject the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial are comparable between an amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance.

Video 2.4: Write with verbs

Overview

  • Use strong verbs
  • Avoid turning verbs into nouns
  • Avoid burying the main verb

1) Use Strong Verbs

Example:

  • Original: Loud music came from speakers embedded in the walls, and the entire arena moved as the hungry crowd got to its feet.
  • Improved: Loud music exploded from speakers embedded int he walls, and the entire arena shook as the hungry crowd leaped to its feet.

Pick the right verb:

  • “reports that approximately” to “estimates” or “projects”
  • “estimates that X will Y in the next 25 years” to “projects that X will Y in the next 25 years”

Use “to be” verbs purposefully and sparingly. Try to substitute them with a stronger verb.

2) Don’t turn verbs into nouns

Example:

  • Original: During DNA damage, recognition of H3K4me3 by ING2 results in recruitment of Sin3/HDAC and repression of cell proliferation genes.
  • Improved: During DNA damage, H3K4me3 recruits ING2 and Sin3/HDAC, which together repress cell proliferation genes.

More examples:

  • “Obtain estimates of” to “estimate”
  • “Has seen an expansion in” to “has expanded”
  • “Provides a methodologic emphasi”s to “emphasizes methodology”
  • “Take an assessment of” to “assess”
  • “Provide a review of” to “review”
  • “Offer confirmation of” to “confirm”
  • “Make a decision” to “decide”
  • “Shows a peak” to “peaks”
  • “Provide a description of” to “describe”

3) Don’t bury the main verb

Keep the subject and main verb (predicate) close together at the start of the sentence.

Example:

  • One study of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting found that only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS-related problem in the prior 6 months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).
    • Recipient: two-thirds of those…
    • Verb: found that
    • Agent: One study
    • Improvement: One study found that, of …

Video 2.5: Practice Examples

Examples:

  • The fear expressed by some teachers that students would not learn statistics well if they were permitted to use canned computer programs has not been realized in our experience. A careful monitoring of achievement levels before and after the introduction of computers in the teaching of our course revealed no appreciable change in students’ performances.
  • Improvement: Many teachers feared that the use of canned computer programs would prevent students from learnign statistics. We monitored student achievement levels before and after the introduction of computers in our course and found no detriments in performance.
  • Review of each center’s progress in recruitment is important to ensure that the cost involved in maintaining each center’s participation is worthwhile.
  • Improvement: It is important to review each center’s recruitment progress to ensure maintaining each center’s participation is a worthwhile cost.
    • Better: We should review each center’s recruitment progress to make sure its continued participation is cost-effective.
  • It should be emphasized that these proportions generally are not the result of significant increases in moderate and severe injuries, but in many instances reflect mildly injured persons not being seen at a hospital.
  • Improvement: These proportions reflect mildly injured persons not being seen at a hospital, rather than significant increases in moderate and severe injuries.
    • Better: Shifting proportions in injury severity may reflect stricter hospital admission criteria rather than true increases in moderate and severe injuries.
  • Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.
  • Improvement: Important studies have begun examining the descriptive epidemiology of autisim, including the prevalence and changes in characteristics of the population over time.
    • Better: Studies have begun to describe the epidemiology of autism, including recent changes in the disorder’s prevalence and characteristics.
  • There are multiple other mechanisms that are important, but most of them are suspected to only have a small impact or are only important because of impact on one of the three primary mechanisms.
  • Improvement: Multiple other mechanisms play only a small role or work by impacting one of the three primary mechanisms.
  • After rejecting paths with poor signal-to-noise ratios, we were left with 678 velocity measurements of waves with 7.5 seconds period and 891 measurements of 15 second waves.
  • Improvement: Rejecting paths with poor signal-to-noise ratios left 678 velocity measures of 7.5 second waves and 891 15 second waves.

Video 2.6: A few grammar tips

  1. “Data are” not “Data is”
    • There word data is plural
  2. Affect (verb) vs. effect (noun)
  3. “Compared to” vs. “compared with”
    • Compare to: to point out similarities between different things
    • Compare with: to point out differences between similar things
  4. That vs. which
  • “That” is the restrictive (defining) pronoun. The essential clause cannot be eliminated without changing the meaning of the sentence.
    • “The vial that contained her RNA was lost
  • “Which” is the nonrestrictive (non-defining) pronoun. The non-essential clause can be eliminated without altering the basic meaning of the sentence (and must be set off by commas).
    • “The vial, which contained her RNA, was lost”
  • Other disorders that have been found to co-occur with diabetes include heart disease and foot problems.
  1. Singular antecedents (they or their)
  • Do not use “they” or “their” when the subject is singular. To avoid gender choice, turn to a plural.
    • Each student worries about their grades.

Summary

Using active instead of passive voice and improving our use of verbs can enhance our writing. Active voice demonstrates responsibility and can improve our writing by making it more direct. Strong verbs spice up our otherwise boring sentences. Swapping nouns with verbs speeds up the sentence. Burying verbs at the end of a sentence can result in the reader losing track of what’s happening in the sentence.

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